I Am Biodegradable - My Writing Is Not

My dad was wrong. I just discovered that I am good for nuthin' after all. In fact I've been good for nuthin' all along. I am 100% biodegradable and that means I can be recycled into nuthin'. It also means that no matter how much I waste, no matter how much I consume, no matter how much I pollute, in the end I am environment-friendly. Best of all, I now have an end use.

Now that's something to put on my resume!

This comes as particularly good news to somebody who is not sure what his purpose is. Sometimes I write these humor columns, pretending to be funny. Sometimes people even laugh, and I worry that it might be the start of an ominous trend.

Sometimes I am selling my happiness book, pretending to be a successful author. With 2,000 copies of my book keeping the floor from floating upwards, perhaps I AM successful. Levitating floors are generally not considered signs of success in this part of the country.

Sometimes I am optimizing websites for search engine rankings. "What exactly does that mean?" I am often asked.

"Well...it means that I get my clients' site high up in the searches." Blank stare.

I try again. "It means that I help Google show you my clients' web sites. Blank stare.

"Well...I'm not sure how to explain it. But I get paid to do it." People understand that.

"I turn on a machine that defluctuates the turbo-rotating modulator down at the spare parts plant," someone adds.

"What exactly does that mean?" I ask.

"Beats me. But I get paid to do it." We are soulmates.

Sometimes I write for pay, because people seem to want something written. They hope that if they can't say it themselves, I might be able to find just the right words.

"C'mon, David. You have lots of words. Why don't you lend me some? Why, just last week you promised to 'defenestrate' me, whatever that means." They want me to put their thoughts into words, and occasionally they want me to create their thoughts. I worked for a politician years ago. I vaguely remember how to write somebody else's thoughts before he knew he had them.

"So what do you write?"

"Web site copy, mostly."

"Really? Not another book?"

"No, I still have 2,000 copies of the last book piled up in my office."

"I'm sure they'll sell quickly, David."

"Really? Want one?"

"Uh...gotta go. It's time for my pet goldfish's nap."

I also write this humor column faithfully every week. But people actually PAY me to write website copy. Now, dear reader, answer me this question. Would you rather be reading this hilarious column, loaded with frosting and topped with chocolate syrup, or would you rather read plain vanilla website copy.

OK, go ahead and read the website copy, then. See if I care.

One thing my website copy and this column have in common is that they are not biodegradable. Remember how computers would save the environment as they replace the three gazillion tones of paper we trash every few hours in offices around the world and elsewhere?

Now we discover that all that paper at least was biodegradable, recyclable, reusable. It wasn't all that bad for the environment, after all. But the monitor you are reading this on will last forever. (SFX: evil laughter) Adventure seekers from the planet Zorgoppppt will land here in the year 2304 and discover all these abandoned monitors scattered around.

One Zorgopppptian will say to the other, "prrg, ddyte h hthp oooo djudu" (Translation: "Groovy paper weights!")

But they won't find me, thanks to my lifetime achievement. I'll be long gone, because I am (chest swells with pride) biodegradable.

Sense of Place

What is Sense of Place? It's the image of a scene's environment evoked by the writing. The author becomes an artist; the book page is the canvas, sentences and phrasing are the brushes; words give color.

This element of a story is something most readers look for. They want to feel as if they are in the scene. Sense of place is vital to fact and fiction.

Some writers overuse adjectives with the mistaken belief that this will offer sense of place. But saying "the elegant house" isn't enough. That abstraction has little substance. "The well-landscaped house set on a knoll overseeing the valley" might say more.

Another attempt is to list things.

"Brenda looked around. The room had a brass coffee table, and a bright sofa flanked by two Queen Anne chairs. Three prints were on one wall, with the sheer curtains hanging at the wide window. Two ornate candlesticks set on the fireplace mantle."

Brenda has become a camera, with no emotion attached to the description. How about this:

"Brenda thought the bright sofa flanked by two Queen Anne chairs seemed cozy. She admired three prints, and fingered one of the ornate candlesticks on the mantle as a breeze billowed the curtains. Scents of lilac wafted through the wide window. The books on the brass coffee table caught her eye."

This second paragraph only uses eight more words than the first, yet engages the character into the description of the room so that the reader learns about the room and the character.

Sense of place is important in nonfiction, too. A manual might read: "When managing a large office setting, it's important to develop good interaction between employees."

"Large office setting" is rather vague, and so is "good interaction." To give this sentence sense of place, it could be written:

"When faced with multiple workstations, harsh lighting and the continual background noises of telephones and copy machines, it's important to encourage dialogue with all employees."

Sense of place should continue throughout a paragraph or section. Here's a scene of a man stranded on a stretch of Kansas back road. "The hot July sun bore down on him" could give the initial detail. But it must be carried through the scene. Several sentences later a sentence could read, "Robert looked at his useless car." Add sense of place to this: "Robert wiped sweat from his forehead and squinted toward his useless car.

wiped sweat (it's hot) squinted (it's bright)

Later: "He looked around for the closest house."

This would work better as, "The surrounding fields of ripening wheat seemed unending, without a single roofline or driveway in sight."

By adding these touches, the sense of place enhances the story.

A good sense of place also engages most of the five senses. Include colors, smells and textures in descriptions.

"The hot July sun bore down as Robert backed from the vehicle. Why now? he wondered. He wiped sweat from his forehead and squinted at his useless car. He could smell hot metal from the engine. A puddle of radiator fluid stained the gray asphalt a sickly green..."

Robert walks along the road, thinking about what got him here, then

"His sigh was barely audible in the dry wind, and the surrounding fields of ripening wheat seemed unending, without a single roofline or driveway in sight."

Weather and nature can also establish a sense of place. In my historic novel KANSAS DREAMER: Fury in Sumner County, the weather becomes a prominent plot element--almost a character. (That will be the topic of a future newsletter: "Non-Human Characters".) But for sense of place, a story based in the tropics could be rife with descriptions of humidity, vivid sunsets, blown sand, myriad scents and colors from vegetation; on the negative, these areas also have hurricanes, riptides, mosquitoes, sink holes and sharks.

Weather can become a motivating factor for a character; it can parallel a character's emotions or trigger a memory; it can be an antithesis for the actions, too. The bright day did nothing to relieve Arthur's morbid thoughts.

With a few well-placed phrases, a writer can establishing a good sense of place. This will strengthen characterizations and greatly add to a reader's enjoyment of the final product.

How to Multiply Your Freelance Writing Work

You can turn your $200 fee to write a press release into $2,000 to carry out an entire PR campaign simply by convincing clients to invest in campaigns, instead of individual assignments. Campaigns achieve better results and cost less in the long-term for clients, compared to individual assignments. And, of course, as the freelancer, you get paid much more for turning out a succession of assignments that assimilate a successful campaign.

Here's how to multiply your writing sales by convincing clients to invest in long-term campaigns, instead of short-term individual assignments.

? Know the short-term and long-term results. A client approaches you to write a brochure. He may or may not know that his product can also benefit from other types of promotional pieces, such as ads, direct mail, news releases, websites, and so on, to sell his product or service. Your job is to educate the client. The brochure may be the first promotional piece in a consortium of promotional pieces. Here, you must know the short-term and long-term view results of the brochure.

The short-term results are the results the brochure will achieve for the client; and the long-term results are the results the brochure will achieve/contribute for the entire campaign. It answers the questions, "How do the results of this brochure fit into the entire campaign?" and "How can these results be strengthened with other forms of promotional materials?"

Show the client how a campaign, that's comprised of a succession of assignments, can achieve - and exceed - his expectations and outsell and outdo the performance of a single assignment.

? Use "tie-in" services. Whenever a client approaches you with a single assignment, ask yourself what tie-in services can supplement the single assignment. A news release achieves better results when it's accompanied with a photo. And a press kit - complete with press releases, photos, brochures, and company information - can achieve better results than a single press release. All of these extra tie-in services can turn writing a single press release into multiple writing sales.

? Offer the "concept to completion" benefit. Instead of pitching yourself as a freelancer who can write newsletter copy, pitch yourself as a freelancer who produces newsletters, from copy to completion. You multiply your income by outsourcing parts of the job and delivering a finished product, not a piece of the product. You also can extend your "concept to completion" services by pitching yourself as a marketing consultant, in which you make recommendations to the client as to the best way to market the newsletter.

? Develop strong consultative skills. Besides selling your freelance services, also offer consulting services. Clients pay you to explain ideas, concepts, recommendations and turnkey solutions as to the best way to achieve the results they desire. Consulting with clients can lead to securing freelance work, since clients realize you have the skills and expertise to undertake the task.

? Know the future needs of clients. Clients come with present needs - and future needs. A client may hire you to write a newsletter now, but they'll also consider you for future work if you know what their future needs are and how to fulfill them. The company may be ushering in a new product line, creating a new division within the company, sponsoring a charity event, or creating a website. All of these future events need a freelancer to do promotional writing and freelance work. That's you. Your job is to show clients how you'll address their future needs with solutions that'll increase their profitability and/or productivity. This is usually accomplished with a proposal through which you pitch yourself as the freelancer who has the solutions to undertake the future tasks.

? Use proposals to secure work. Proposals are an inclusive persuasion tool to convince prospects that you can increase their profitability and/or productivity with your freelance services. Proposals specifically show the client how you intend to achieve the desired results, the time and costs involved, and why you and your solutions are the best choices to boost the company's profits.

? Adaptations. Any of your freelance writing services can be adapted for websites, turning a single assignment into two assignments. Get paid to write a press release or brochure, and then get paid again to adapt the copy digitally.

? Add-on services, such as desktop publishing services, marketing consulting, compiling and selling media lists, and project coordinating can help multiply your work and your income. Brian Konradt is a former freelance copywriter and graphic designer, and founder of FreelanceWriting.com (http://www.freelancewriting.com), a free website dedicated to help writers master the business and creative sides of freelance writing.

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This article may be freely reprinted, online and offline, without permission as long as no text is altered.

Write a Letter, Make a Difference

Today I took the dog for a walk and realized that there is a letter that I must write. Near our house, we walk up a once paved road that is now mostly rock and mud. It runs behind several houses then up a hill and ends at some very high priced home sites that are, as yet, unbuilt. In the winter this is a beautiful trail lined with small waterfalls and lush green trees, in summer it is a trail overrun by wildflowers that the neighborhood children enjoy picking. This trail, used regularly by its neighbors, is in danger of disappearing. The developer of the homesites is petitioning the city to repave the trail and make it once again an automobile thoroughfare. This trail is a vital part of our neighborhood, and losing it to another street (that would benefit only the future homeowners of 5 homesites) would distress those who use it regularly to walk the dog, teach their children about nature, or to escape the concrete jungle for a moment of peace.

Choose Your Topic

But, of course, the city planners won't know this unless we tell them. That is what a letter writing campaign is about?.telling the people in charge what is important to us. And it is up to each of us to determine what is important, and then appropriately express that opinion. Leaders of government as well as corporate leaders value our opinions, because it is our opinions that keep them in power. Their power to do right (or not) is given to them by us! So, use your power to help create the world in which you want to live. And don't limit yourself to local issues. There are global organizations that conduct letter writing campaigns to create change socially, politically, environmentally and economically around the world. These organizations need us to speak up.

Verify the facts

Before you begin your letter, do your homework. Who is in charge? Get the correct name and title. Find out what has been done to date regarding this issue. Do an internet search on the topic, visit the library and use the very underused and extremely knowledgeable reference librarian, call the local governing body to determine the status of the issue. If you are writing as part of a globally organized letter writing campaign, the organization conducting the campaign will provide thorough background information for your use. Read this information. It is vital that you are knowledgeable on your topic if you want your letter to be read and taken seriously.

Write an Effective Letter

A letter to any corporate or political official must be professional, concise, and personal. Your goal is to get your letter read, and that will not happen if you don't maintain these standards. When you are ready to begin your letter, get out a nice white piece of paper and type your letter. Begin with the correct name, address and title of the official as well as the date. Be sure to include your return address on the letter (not just on the envelope) so that you can request and receive a response. Now organize your thoughts (on a separate piece of paper) and begin writing. Keep the following in mind:

• Your letter should be short while covering all necessary information.

• Be polite and constructive, never inflammatory or accusatory. Presume that the person to whom you are writing is reasonable and treat him or her with due respect.

• Be certain of your facts. One incorrect or insufficiently researched fact will render your entire letter useless. Communicate your understanding of the context of the overall situation as well as the specific issue at hand.

• Be specific about the action you are looking for, don't speak about vague or theoretical ideals.

• Personalize your letter with information about why this issue is important to you, and how it affects you.

• If the organization or person to whom you are writing has taken positive steps on this issue, compliment their action.

• Finally, respectfully request a response to your letter and sign your letter by hand.

If you follow these steps, you can create a dialog between yourself and the official in charge. Become a respected member of this official's community whose opinion is welcome and desired, and you have made a difference.

Follow Up

If appropriate, send a copy of your letter to the local newspaper. Generating more interest in the issue creates better opportunity to create the desired action. Then, keep track of the result of your action. If you receive a response, acknowledge the response and thank the official for his or her consideration. If the action you requested is carried out, send a thank you letter expressing your appreciation. If you hear nothing and the issue seems to be unresolved, send another letter. We have a voice, but it is only heard if we speak!

How to Have an Effective Writing Group

The works you've written are numerous, ranging from short stories to even the novel, hidden in a storage bin (under the bed) collecting dust. But there comes a time when you must wipe away that dust, regain your pride, and prepare your babies for publication! But, how do you get such a critical, unbiased eye to analyze your works, offering both praise and criticism?

It's simple-start a writing group!

Creating a writing group is the easy part, but creating a functioning and beneficial writing group can be quite a task.

Writing groups are age-old sessions where writers obtain helpful evaluations for their works. Nowadays, though, writing groups seem to be a fad, and for many a status symbol reassuring them of their writerdom. Don't create a writing group simply for the sake of saying, "I belong to a writing group". Create or join a group because of the numerous benefits that come along with them.

Keep Number of Members Limited. You don't want just one other person in this group. So shoot for 3 or more members. On the other hand, you don't want to have 30 people in the group either. Try approximately 8-10 members. If one person leaves the group, replace that person with a new recruit. Keep the same standards for all members. Make it standard that members can only join by an invite. Allowing your group to be very exclusive brings the group more pride.

Select Randomly. It's okay to have a friend in this group, but you chose to create this writing group for unbiased opinions. So don't allow ALL the members to be your best friends in which you see on a daily basis. Perhaps one member is 18 yrs old, while the other is 35. Keeping age, sex, ethnicity, and educational levels of your group will allow a diverse critique-which is ultimately what you're seeking. A diverse group will only make you and the group much stronger.

Meetings. We're all struggling writers, so most often the other members of the group will have jobs to attend. So finding an appropriate time for a meeting is crucial. I've found that one Sunday per month, after 2 p.m. is great. Make it an odd time. Creating times such as 2:07 p.m. will stand out and allow members to remember. Where are these meetings held? Keep switching locations. Allow the members to rotate the location to each of their homes. If homes are not available, then a select person should discuss where they choose the next meeting should be held. This is the reason membership should be limited to a few members. It's much easier to meet with just a few people.

Text. Focus your group on either poetry or prose-try not to mingle the two. If the text is prose, and the writer wants his novel critiqued, suggest that the novel be submitted on a "per chapter" (or two) basis. Don't overwhelm the members with too much to read at one time-or you'll end up with no members. The month before your work is critiqued, each writer should submit photocopies of their manuscript to each member.

Know your intentions. Make sure that, for the most part, members have similar goals: to be published or for sheer enjoyment of writing. This will eliminate time wasted if you know this upfront.

Critiquing. When critiquing the text, encourage the members to speak as if the writer isn't present. In the meanwhile, the author can sit back, take notes, and write down questions the critics may have posed. Encourage the critics to write on their versions of the text before meeting. Allow approximately 20 minutes to discuss each member's work. Upon completion of the critique, critics should give the author their "corrected" versions. Complete the critique by allowing the author to explain any unanswered questions and to thank the critics.

If members can't keep up with reading that much work per month, then divide it up. Four writers submit one month, while the remaining four submit the following month. Above all, writing groups should be a relaxed environment-away from your significant other, your children, and your job. Let this be a time where you hone your writing skills with the assistance of others who simply seek the same thing.

Unusual Points of View

Most writers are familiar with first and third points of view and their variations. But have you ever experimented with alternative points of view? Below are some less used points of view, what I call "unusual points of view." Try using these when you're blocked or you want to try something new.

Second Person Point of View

Second person can be written as "you" singular or plural. Josip Novakovich in FICTION WRITER'S WORKSHOP says: "The author makes believe he's talking to someone, describing what the person addressed is doing. But the 'you' is not the reader, though sometimes it's hard to get rid of the impression the author is addressing you directly."

Here's an excerpt from Italo Calvino's first chapter of If on a winter night a traveler. I think it's one of the most engaging examples of second person point of view. But if the author is not speaking to the reader?then to whom? You be the judge.

You are about to begin reading Italo Calvino's new novel, If on a winter's night a traveler. Relax. Concentrate. Dispel ever other thought. Let the world around you fade. Best to close the door; the TV is always on in the next room. Tell others right away, "No, I don't want to watch TV!" Raise your voice-they won't hear you otherwise-"I'm reading! I don't want to be disturbed!" . . . So here you are now, ready to attack the first lines of the first page. You prepare to recognize the unmistakable tone of the author . . .

Most stories told in second person are written in the present tense, so the reader identifies directly with the character. You're along for the journey, being an active part of the story. I read this excerpt feeling as if the author sees me and is talking directly to me.

Like other points of view, second person has its pitfalls. One of them is keeping the reader's attention through the whole story (in this example, an entire novel). Some readers don't like to be told what they're thinking and doing and saying. Sometimes this point of view has a tendency to sound too journalistic or like a recipe.

First Person Collective Observer Point of View (or third person plural)

In this point of view the reader follows the motions and acts of one person through a group's viewpoint. Usually, someone in the group acts as narrator but doesn't have his/her own identity. Usually this is reserved for small town narratives, where an individual lives under communal scrutiny. Schools, towns, churches, or families focus on a secret person in conflict with the community. In William Faulkner's "A Rose for Emily" Emily is the character scrutinized by the residents of Yoknapatawpha County.

Here is an excerpt from the story which occurs after she is put in the ground and what "we" discover.

For a long while we just stood there, looking at the profound and fleshless grin. The body had apparently once lain in the attitude of an embrace, but now the long deep sleep that outlasts love, that conquers even the grimace of love, had cuckolded him . . . Then we noticed that in the second pillow was an indentation of a head. One of us lifted something from it, leaning forward, that fast and invisible dust dry and acrid in the nostrils, we saw a long strand of iron-gray hair.

Third Person Plural Observer ("They")

Here the perceptions of a critical situation comes from a group of characters who watch the protagonist. It could be a group of boys watching a teenage girl undressing in her window as in: "They saw her in the window." The excerpt from "A Rose for Emily" might as easily be written in the point of view.

First and Second Combined

This point of view is usually used in love poetry, and rarely in fiction. In this example from "The Roaring Bull and Electra," a short story, it's an adult daughter speaking to her father too ill to speak for himself.

Today the new Roaring Bull was christened, and I wanted you to be next to me as you had been, twenty years ago . . . Now you can't speak. You can barely swallow. I used to feed you melted ice cream and stroke your throat to get it down because I thought the taste would remind you of our ferry rides . . .

First and Third Combined

This point of view is used for characters with a personality dichotomy, to look at the same character from different angles. In "Sarah Cole: A Type of Love Story" Russell Banks does this to portray a narcissistic man's affair with a homely woman.

I felt warmed by her presence and was flirtatious and bold, a little pushy even.

Picture this. The man, tanned, limber . . . enters the apartment behind the woman.

The switch to third person is the character taking a look at himself, the way one might want to see himself projected onscreen. The shift in point of view might be annoying to the reader, so it's important to establish this shift pattern early in your story.

Try this exercise:

Choose one of your favorite stories and rewrite a scene from it in one of the "unusual points of view." You might want to try rewriting one of the excerpts above. In your exercise show the original passage, then your changed point of view (or points of view). You get extra brownie points if you write a scene from scratch. This is a challenging exercise, but it also shows you don't have to be limited by variations of first and third person.

Let go, breathe deep, and have fun with it!

Common Writing Mistakes

Most books aren't rejected because the stories are "bad." They're rejected because they're not "ready to read." In short, minor stuff like typos, grammar, spelling, etc.

I don't mean places where we, as authors, deliberately break the rules. Those are fine. That's part of our job. Language always changes with use, and we can help it on its way. No, I'm referring to places where someone just plain didn't learn the rule or got confused or overlooked it during the self-edits.

I started editing novels in 2001. Looking back at my experiences, I feel like sharing the most common mistakes I've seen. If you'll go through your manuscript and fix these before you submit it to a publisher, your odds of publication will increase dramatically.

Once you've found a publisher who publishes what you write, you want to present yourself in the best way possible. Submitting an unedited manuscript is a bit like going to a job interview wearing a purple Mohawk, no shoes, torn jeans, and a dirty T-shirt. Your resume may be perfect, and your qualifications impeccable, but something tells me you won't get the job.

The publisher is investing a lot in every book it accepts. E-publishers tend to invest loads of time, and print publishers tend to invest an advertising budget and the cost of carrying an inventory. Why ask them to invest hours and days of editing time as well? If the publisher gets two or three or ten nearly identical books, you want yours to be the one requiring the least editing.

The first thing you need to do, and I hope you've already done it, is use the spelling and grammar checkers in your word processor. This will catch many of the "common mistakes" on my list. But I've been asked to edit many books where the author obviously didn't do this, and I confess that I may well have been lazy and let a couple of mine get to my editors unchecked. Bad Michael!

Here's a list of the mistakes I see most often.

* Dialogue where everyone speaks in perfect English and never violates any of the bullet points below. Okay, I made that up. That's not really a common problem at all. But I have seen it, and it's a terrible thing.

* It's is a contraction for "it is" and its is possessive.

* Who's is a contraction for "who is" and whose is possessive.

* You're is a contraction for "you are" and your is possessive.

* They're is a contraction for "they are," there is a place, their is possessive.

* There's is a contraction for "there is" and theirs is possessive.

* If you've been paying attention to the above examples, you've noticed that possessive pronouns never use apostrophes. Its, whose, your, yours, their, theirs...

* Let's is a contraction for "let us."

* When making a word plural by adding an s, don't use an apostrophe. (The cats are asleep.)

* When making a word possessive by adding an s, use an apostrophe. (The cat's bowl is empty.)

* A bath is a noun, what you take. Bathe is a verb, the action you do when taking or giving a bath.

* A breath is a noun, what you take. Breathe is a verb, the action you do when taking a breath.

* You wear clothes. When you put them on, you clothe yourself. They are made of cloth.

* Whenever you read a sentence with the word "that," ask yourself if you can delete that word and still achieve clarity. If so, kill it. The same can be said of all sentences. If you can delete a word without changing the meaning or sacrificing clarity, do it. "And then" is a phrase worth using your word processor's search feature to look for.

* Keep an eye on verb tenses. "He pulled the pin and throws the grenade" is not a good sentence.

* Keep an eye on making everything agree regarding singular and plural. "My cat and my wife is sleeping," "My cat sleep on the sofa," and "My wife is a beautiful women" are not good sentences. (I exaggerate in these examples, but you know what I mean.)

* I and me, he and him, etc. I hope no editor is rejecting any novels for this one, because I suspect that most people get confused at times. In dialogue, do whatever the heck you want because it sounds more "natural." But for the sake of your narrative, I'll try to explain the rule and the cheat. The rule involves knowing whether your pronoun is the subject or object. When Jim Morrison of The Doors sings, "til the stars fall from the sky for you and I," he's making a good rhyme but he's using bad grammar. According to the rule, "you and I" is the object of the preposition "for," thus it should be "for you and me." The cheat involves pretending "you and" isn't there, and just instinctively knowing "for I" just doesn't sound right. (I think only native English speakers can use my cheat. For the record, I have great admiration for authors writing in languages that aren't their native tongues.)

* Should of, would of, could of. This one can make me throw things. It's wrong! What you mean is should have, would have, could have. Or maybe you mean the contractions. Should've, would've, could've. And maybe 've sounds a bit like of. But it's not! Of is not a verb. Not now, not ever.

* More, shorter sentences are better. Always. Don't ask a single sentence to do too much work or advance the action too much, because then you've got lots of words scattered about like "that" and "however" and "because" and "or" and "as" and "and" and "while," much like this rather pathetic excuse for a sentence right here.

* On a similar (exaggerated) note: "He laughed a wicked laugh as he kicked Ralphie in the face while he aimed the gun at Lerod and pulled the trigger and then laughed maniacally as Lerod twisted in agony because of the bullet that burned through his face and splattered his brains against the wall and made the wall look like an overcooked lasagne or an abstract painting." Now tell me this sentence isn't trying to do too much.

* Too means also, two is a number, to is a preposition.

* He said/she said. Use those only when necessary to establish who's speaking. They distract the reader, pulling him out of the story and saying, "Hey look, you're reading a book." Ideally, within the context of the dialogue, we know who's talking just by the style or the ideas. When a new speaker arrives on the scene, identify him or her immediately. Beyond that, keep it to a minimum. Oh yeah, and give every speaker his/her own paragraph.

* Billy-Bob smiled his most winning smile and said, "What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?" I don't like this. Use two shorter sentences in the same paragraph. Billy-Bob smiled his most winning smile. "What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?" Same effect, fewer words, no dialogue tag (he said).

* In the previous example, I don't like "smiled his most winning smile," because it's redundant and also cliched. Please, if you find yourself writing something like that, try to find a better way to express it before you just give up and leave it like it is. During the self-edit, I mean, not during the initial writing.

* "The glow-in-the-dark poster of Jesus glowed in the dark." This editor won't let that one go. Much too redundant, and it appeared in a published novel.

* Lie is what you do when you lie down on the bed, lay is what you do to another object that you lay on the table. Just to confuse matters, the past tense of lie is lay. Whenever I hit a lay/lie word in reading, I stop and think. Do that when you self-edit. (Note: Don't fix this one in dialogue unless your character is quite well-educated, because most people say it wrong. I do.)

* Beware of the dangling modifier. "Rushing into the room, the exploding bombs dropped seven of the soldiers." Wait a minute! The bombs didn't rush into the room. The soldiers did. To get all technical about it, the first part is the "dependent clause," and it must have the same subject as the "independent clause" which follows. Otherwise it's amateur, distracting, and a real pain for your poor overworked editor.

* If you are able (many readers are not), keep an eye out for missing periods, weird commas, closing quotes, opening quotes, etc. When I read a book, be it an ebook or a printed book, I can't help but spot every single one that's missing. They slap me upside the head, which makes me a great editor but a lousy reader. If you're like me, use that to your advantage. If not, that's what editors are for!